Well?

I just get to watch the older lady I like who behind closed doors is ruining herself when she was supposed to be a relationship to me.

Well?

Why do people keep acting messed up like I agree to this shit?  It's ruining my reputation.  It's as though I don't even have one, anymore.  No one cares to think about me, anymore..

Oh, and by the way, it's stupid to say I'm bad just because I used a curse word.  How careless can you be to think otherwise of me?  I didn't use it in a bad way.

You'll never win.

You don't even know who I am or what I am.

So, what?

Now, are people trying to undo the past and say I'm bad?

The Excuse

Coronavirus is the excuse.

Already There

So, the older lady I like's daughter who is younger than me became famous on her own or by her mom...?

Ordered a New Watch

(credit)

Selfish?

Does it seem selfish to assume I should be punished?

Not Feeling

Some people think if you're modern, of this day and age, in any way, that you don't feel.

...but not me!

Not only did we like Blue's Clues, we made fun of Barney but not me.

My Singing Voice

I can still hear the youth in my voice when I sing that shows a certain energy from things like watching Barney faithfully as a kid.

"I Soar Like a Hawk"

I soar above Generation X.

Music - Me Singing

244 Views

Music - Catholic Church Songs

1997?


1996?

Music

As I Look Back, I Realize

all the work and guts it took to get unafraid to perform, to not have to worry like about messing up.

Music and Music Videos - Children Theme Style

Update

I have a 2nd Instagram, listed under My Stuff.

Change of Plans

I may live in a group home in Fort Lauderdale, Southeastern Florida, where I was born, for now.

Job Hunt

I guess I will try to live in a Chicago suburb and work rather than use SSI.  After school is out, I can apply for jobs.

I guess I will have to try to learn violin and German on my own.  It's a life goal, learn an instrument and language.  I did want it as my college programs.

Interesting "Problems"

No one wants to talk about issues to do with me and the older lady I like, they just want to hate on me senselessly.

I'm thinking it'd be more feasible to thrive in a suburb.

I wanted to live in the Cleveland, Ohio area and go back to a college there, but it seems a Chicago suburb would be more suited to me and maybe more chance of finding a place and way of supporting myself.

Good Night

Bed again?

The Key

to making Ellen DeGeneres happy is to show her to people she likes, like with similar aspirations.

Playing Around

Funny when people assume the upper hand with me.

Want to play?

It is uncivil to take the liberty to inappropriately stimulate someone I like a lot pretending to have an issue with them themselves.

More Trouble

I shouldn't see people fantasizing over someone else having an issue with them and/or from one little time.

Italian Love

I know of 2 similarly fancy ladies who are very sought out and liked who seem to love Italian but aren't very Italian.

"Sex" Against Me

I shouldn't catch old relationships making an issue with new ones.  I mean, the fact that they are there seems to say it, as they are not with me.

Recipe I'm Cooking

Japanese!

Ramen Noodles

It should be interesting with variety.

(credit)

Common Ground

What if Germany wasn't always the best?

I seem to think things under the blink of an eye without stopping for clarification or don't even consider it.  It has to do with things like, "Oh, maybe I'm in trouble," when I'm not.  This isn't in particular an issue with my dad.  Germany seems to know me and from sources that are ghastly to believe in that these people who know who I am would do or you might say they know me.

Discovered

People keep acting like they found out people I'm related to and have been friends with and they don’t like me.

Racial Unrest and Agitation

Which race hungers more to overturn other White races?  Southern Europe or some of the Black Americans on the lose?

Website Update

Interesting Things

Interesting Articles

Disney Youth Orchestra in 1992

Stuck up Musicians

It's funny to see young orchestral musicians dance to the music "like nothing just happened" "behind closed doors," when you yourself did piano and were steadfast in your musical technique but feel as though you never existed.  In an orchestra I played a little in, they had people come who hadn't played in years.  They are quite egotistical and seclusive.

The Problem and People Around

Someone and her daughter seem nice.  I usually blame adults, so maybe it was other adults.

Traumatic

Someone I know thinks kids are their parents and maybe you go crazy when you get famous.

This has caused me too many life catastrophes leading to trauma.

Musicians - Development as a Person Physically Etc.

Is it better to be more developed as a person if you aim in your career as a musician or less developed?

Seeing the US and Europe

Europe finally got to see the US when TV came out.

Now that the internet came out we get to see Europe.

Great Arts of the Past

So, classical music is worldly and we go to fame for other things?

I feel I'm getting old to be great.

(continued)

It didn't seem like a machine.

(continued)

Also, I've seen an orchestra look more sarcastic than that.

Of My Critical Experience

The German orchestra playing Beethoven's 7th Symphony was sorta sarcastic in a sexual way.

I said the one from the Netherlands was exciting but in a mechanical way in comparison alone in some sentiment.

Germany - Keep up with Germans!

Some Germans are critical if you seem to have any problems in your life when you play classical music.  They don't seem to help with an alternative to some problems in life.  I forget what I was going to say.

Why didn't people keep up with Germany?  What's with all this Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005) and that's all?

Why isn't classical music popular in the US?  Germans who don't do anything do classical music because it's an emblem of their country?  I didn't start as a toddler.  I keep getting funny feelings from them about when I see good performances.

My Review

I'm listening to I think the main end movement of Beethoven's 7th Symphony.  I heard another group play it.  The one I'm watching now is from the Netherlands.  The other one was from Germany.  This one from the Netherlands is very mathematic, a little thin, very on the beat and mechanic.  The one from Germany was kinda influenced melancholy and nostalgic yet booming with energy.

Oh, well.

I was watching the Netherlands.

Pathetic

People and Germans "found out" and keep being impressed by someone I have known a little.  Oh, but I was sorta put out of the picture.

Crazy

I mean, come on, their every other glance can be hatred towards me saying how they're European and I'm not.  It's like they don't even realize it, and it's stupid.

Crazy

It seems Germany has made a spectacle of me saying they accept 2 other girls I've known some or a little and said I wasn't German.

Graceful - Big or Small?

I wonder if you can have dainty parts that are not really graceful?

Lunatics

People keep acting like it doesn't matter if I'm usually good, and then they go into like I need to be good and am bad.

Trouble

They don't have to compensate me to get what they want.

I'm not about what happened on this journey, and it ain't the same.

Only 1 Bad Person

People keep taking people who seem to be pretended or pretending they have a relationship with me, saying I'm "actually" bad and taking these other people like it's Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory and they are Willy Wonka and these people are kids there and saying, "I think we may have something here."

My dad acted like he was pissed everyone would think he was bad to be mean to me like I "did something," and instead he made a visit to other people like he's Santa Claus to make people groove against me, instead, when I'm very agreeable.

Trick

People say someone else is better than me and say I did something if I say something else against it.

Racism

Musicians in Germany always seem to feel racially superior.  It doesn't help make me feel better about them to be dissed.

Fitting In

The world fit other people's children in for them, but I don't fit in in certain important ways.

Sometimes, they don't fit in and the parents get violent in how they act.  They won't do the work themselves, and they get mad if other people are living their life.

School

So, people who weren't good can seem more attractive.

Suspicious

I didn't really "say anything," did I?

School

School was just a tool to see if you thought you were good enough to do good and follow the rules.  Everyone else comes out like the choice.

Pathetic

They think I'm evil and need to be restrained like I'm outdated.

Disrupted

I feel invaded of my life and how I apply my lifestyle.

Like It's Okay Just for Me

So, I'm mistreated for the time being, like that's okay just with me.  It's as though it's just life, but it's not.

Prejudice

It's easy to see if something is an issue of someone else is of a cooler generation, like relatives.  That's considered wrong, especially when you're comparing someone else's kids.

"Following the Leader"

People keep following bad things people did in my life, like it's out of fear, but are nice to others and suggest I shouldn't have relationships I have I like.

Territorial

People are territorial of their kids in Southeastern Florida and judge you by your parents and not you.

Tricked

I feel tricked into a bad 15 years or so or my whole life.

Perversion

It seems funny how people other than me are treated more appropriately.

In My Place

If someone else were in my place without any serious issues, things would go by much more happily and smoothly and without made up racial issues.

Strange People

It's funny how many people are agreeable with me and like me a lot, but, when I try to get to know anyone or am around some people where I live, they get scared of others who have known me at all and back away or just end up abusing me.  Pretty much, I can catch on to anyone else.

What a Joke

People act like I'm not cool for being good in school, and other people are suck ups for some reason and aren't treated that way.

Trick

First, it's about pop culture like Grease, and then Late Boomers are out of the picture unfairly.  The children of Late Boomers have it good.

The Spiteful Ones

Some orchestral musicians seem to hate their job.  I know it's very competitive.  I did papers on classical music this semester.

Nasty People

Underneath it all in the end, some classical musicians can seem quite nasty.

When's it really good enough?

Are musicians a threat to acting?

Caught This!

Is it that I could have played any keyboard instrument?  Violin, okay, until it became too popular.

Hmph!

How do the other girls get by big, old, clumsy men?

So!

So, I won't end up on top but anymore?

Big, Old, Clumsy Men

Baby Boomer men are mean.  They just say I'm shit if I think there is any problem.

Question

I know the story.

Your school has an orchestra and you get solos sometimes and in the end it's a win win.

Real Musicians

First, I thought it was Johnny Depp, me being a musician might be in the way...

I'm waiting...

...and when I'm ready the people my parental generation's age and a little younger will be leaving...

...to get a job playing violin, hopefully with other people...


What about how other people had their chance but think they didn't?  ...  or did they?  They have an evil plan to make my life harder.

Look at this.

The muscles in their faces keep tremori-ng, like they're even younger than me but may be older.

Aggression

It is important for them others think and not for me.

I didn't even know.

In  orchestras, I see the girls my age flinching when an attractive Late Boomer or Early Generation X woman is there.  It looks like I'm out of luck; who'd have expected them there with such a desire?  I thought they liked to be bad.

I'll just say it.

People interrupted a functioning cycle of Baby Boomers to Generation X in a critically climbing time, when many people's parental generations are getting old and dying from coronavirus.  Who is there for us?  We were supposed to get something for what we lost.

Where We Should Be Concerning...

It seems Baby Boomers took a break at being a good parental generation for the past 15 years, since Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005) and the Pirates of the Caribbean (2003-) franchise came out.

They should be doing their work, minding their own business, but instead they're all over the place.

Dumb Racial Perfectionist Excuses

People make an excuse not to talk to me because I'm 1/2 Chinese, like I "did something," but they say I'm also bad as an excuse to talk to other Asians.

Them, too?

Do you respect musicians?  Why not respect people who perform by dancing, singing, or acting?

You know, drama was a big thing in high school.  At my school, it trumped debate, which was cancelled, at they beginning of my first year with a somewhat young male teacher I liked a lot.  There was a cool boy everyone liked in drama, just a little older than me (a year and a half,) and he was in my class.

So, I just noticed musicians are always excluding.  Like, start late and it's some sorta hell.  I was encouraged to start things like band in high school, though, by the instructor.  I was in piano lessons and enjoying playing music when I could.  I did want to do dance instead after I moved away from somewhere, for my health too.

So, I just noticed it was funny how people disrespect things that you can start late, like acting, singing, maybe dance team or cheerleading.  I started singing by myself at age 5.  I stayed in gymnastics, which I started at age 1 3/4.  Actually, dance is hard for me, like ballet I did, to remember the steps, maybe because I was trained to be a gymnast, though I never competed but was on top.

You know, I think there are other reasons than that it's harder to start music late unless it's high school band I guess.  A lot of people flocked to choir with a glaze of tears over their eyes because they got into it later.  I got into it at age 8 and stayed until age 20.  I quit because I wanted to do professional music and make money and hopefully practice more.  Now, I can't just drive anywhere yet and take the bus because I don't own a car but live at home with my dad and younger brother still.  It's tragic.  I'm 34 years old.  I will probably live on my own, soon.

Musicians are always acting like they don't get enough attention, but are they the only ones?  Probably not, but it may seem like a revelation.

Forced

We're forced to people we don't wanna be forced to like that, of any age.

We get shoved back to our parents when we're about to feel pleasure from others who are older or old enough to be our parents or almost.

Pried Open a Secret

Some people seem mad that people like Johnny Depp care about young and middle aged adults who hit 18 and had to or were supposed to leave home, for college or to their career field.  Most Baby Boomers think we're done, but Baby Boomers still seem to get pleasure after 18 themselves, if they so chose they are ready, especially the way Late Boomers operate.

Only Some People

It seems only some people are happy or "have it good."

Power

Should/Do famous people have power?

Innocence

Pretty much get to me and you will be turned into a *novelty.

*novelty - 1a. the quality of being new, original, or unusual. 1b. a new or unfamiliar thing or experience. 1c. denoting something intended to be amusing as a result of its new or unusual quality. 2. a small and inexpensive toy or ornament. (link)

The US and Europe

The US went blank when they caught a drift of "what" they were compared to Europe.

Not Going So Well

Do you think older Americans get nervous and agitated if someone from Europe attracts younger Americans?  People knew it was supposed to be that way.  Maybe, American Late Boomers are uncomfortable they lack things Europeans have.  Early Boomer Americans already understood this for their generation of children, clearly...  It was like a part of protocol! ...and it's gone, anyway! though I see young Europeans are still nice, many of them.

Music

Music has turned into a contest rather than fun.

Music

Music has turned into a contest rather than fun.

What do you do when someone bullies you?

Bully them back.

Different Prejudices

I wonder if my grandma is aware my parents took turns being prejudiced to me as a baby, my mom for having an older dad and my dad for having an Asian mom as opposed to a "White" mom.

Good thing I was strong, or I wouldn't be able to take it, had an older dad and Asian mom.  What about girls with moms who had them at 15 years old?  At my age, that's born around 1970.