Mad

They’re acting like I just did something and ruining it for me.

Annoyed

They keep acting like they want me to submit to them and work with me like this.

Problem

They said they ruined it for me.  Sneaky tricks.

Why?

I always have to worry, like someone will laugh just when I think I'm okay alone.

I have to worry that what people do can have the wrong outcome and stick, like in some situations deliberately or being surrounded and have it catch on.

They won't stop.

They sweared the older lady I like is mean to me.

Something That Used to Be

They're just dragging along and never will fess up I know what they ruined.

On My Case

It sounds like someone recognized an older lady I like as "the one" to the world and said I couldn't have it, couldn't have her, as a good relationship.  The person who relayed this is on my case.

I did try in my situation already.

I feel like my dad/parents is/were trying to influence me negatively to carry the flaws in their voice inflections and such things nasty.

Well...

What's really wrong?  I didn't ruin anything for me or anyone.

Historical

People have been onto me for a long time and I've not had fun.

Hated

Why do some people hate me so much and try to jeopardize my social life with people I like or is it already a no?  It's like an adventure for everyone else against me.

"Sucks"

This is so lame.  I'd have better things to do than this shit.

Well

I'm not here to go through this shit.

I think, too, that...

It is stupid to think I did anything wrong.

But...

...they just claimed to take the essence of my relationship with an older lady I like who seems to be all over.

I feel attacked.

Some people already said it was their right.

Well...?

Some Germans are too loopy.

"Who cares about" Late Boomers?

We should "forget about them."  They're just like everyone else.

Well!

Why do some people get supported but in the end I have nothing?

Attention

This has all been a hype about someone getting all the attention.

Just Being Mean

I don't think there really is another real problem.

What Makes Me Most Mad

Not posting my problems online and getting in trouble for no reason, like my thoughts or reacting physically when mad alone.

Well... I can do what I want. Can I???

I got nothing in the end, but before I had hopes for being happy.

I did it. Sorta.

I still haven't talked about anything to do with this issue.

Trying to Be Careful?

I don't even really mind it.

Thanks to those of you uninvolved or who disagree.

Only Real Problems Matter

I just keep watch for what's serious and the people monitoring me in private think I'm a baby to post what they do.

Is there anything wrong with these people?

It seems like they just ruined it for me.

Catchy

People think I am inappropriate to be loved.

You Golden Oldies ruined the world and life as we know it.

Late Boomers started the problem with kids wanting to be loved and feeling traumatized.

Incessant and Constant

The people monitoring me in private because an older lady I like was inappropriately stimulated to be little and naive ... that to rub it off keep saying I'm nothing and don't deserve her etc.

Mistreated All the Time

Why do I have to put up with this and the older lady I like get all the pleasure?  Has my personal life been invaded?

What?

Are you ready to talk?  Did you wanna talk about what you did, instead?

Support

People support people who are suspected of stressing people out and giving them cancer.

Harrassed

People won't stop fantasizing my late mom was stressed out by me with cancer, but that's not so.

So...

What a waste of life!

Lie

I'm just abused, anyway, all the time.  This is getting suspicious.  I don't listen to anyone.  I'm ... "the good guy."

I didn't say anything bad.

No One Can Be Trusted

Maybe, if such good people turn out bad, we shouldn't trust anymore.

Happiness

It is claimed we can all be happy, but it looks like something funny just happened.

Suggestive Behavior

You think I need suggestions because you claim I'm the best, but I didn't get what I wanted in the end for no reason and others did.

Friendless

Wow, the people I thought I could trust are just as crazy as my domineering dad.

Overriding

You don't get to override me with your generation ever "in the end."

"How Stupid Are You?"

I used to be skinny, remember when it was all about mena and dirty, fat people?

Be Careful

Forget about the Germans.  They leave the world to die.

Tactic

They probably think what they did was pretty smart.

Arrogant Treatment

It seems that someone is really getting it in the end like they're better than me and others.  I know everyone is different, but this is just some byproduct of other people's shit.

Jokes

They seem to feel powerful.  I thought I had some friends, who also "played smart," but guess not.

Step back and take a look at this.

Supposedly, they are powerless, but the people monitoring me in private won't fess up either.  I find them at fault in secret possibly.

I'm not playing some game.

People think I am just "acting smart" all the time but I'm really wrong, even if they think I seem as right as I can be.

Blamed for Nothing

People always secretly thought I was bad when I was the nicest.

Anger

People get mad if people threaten their way of life, say it's not "up to snuff" or "could be better."

Nonsensical

It doesn't make sense to me to see anyone be made happy by others and how they look at them ... because people are so mean to me in that method.

What happened to the rest of us?

I feel made fun of, but I was replaced by a younger generation ... and if you make fun of me it means you are lying because in the end you argue you want the same kind of attention as me to whatever it is.

The Secret

People judge people by their parents.  Some are really off-the-wall, and people like the kids who are bad and try to hurt my parents for being good, also racistly.

What's up with "Europe?"

I was accepted in the US.

"What do the simple folk do?"

What do you think of people who aren't bad?

Why does Germany use violence to solve sex problems?

I don't take that.

I don't take maybe I need a bit of both good and bad.

I don't take that I have special rules, like it's something personal, a combination of misjudging me behaviorally and racially.

Too Bad

I guess it's too bad if people think I can't "make it" in the world, with other people.  They just want to shoot down the best.  They probably can't believe it.  They think they are the world to say no to me.

I need to move forward.

I'm one of those people who has permission to use strong convictions or language because it's not disgusting when I do it.  You know, like one of those attractive ladies or appropriate younger girls?  I am one of those people on the top and rated by my country!  I have the right over others to make my next move!

Having Children

Would you prefer a twin?

It just seems nothing matters to anyone these days or they don't show it ... because people only like family, though that is just a lie and trick to show the world.

Well...

A lot of Germans don't seem dressed to impress and don't look better than Americans many.

Something Wrong?

So, what, is it that Germans don't communicate?  They just hate me and try to use my races and ethnicities as an excuse, but they talk to others who are different races and ethnicities.  I don't want a "smart" answer or solution.

You wonder why I ask?  I keep running into it, but before they were nice to me, different Germans.

Trying to Make It

I'm glad school is about to be over.

I literally have to keep my butt off the streets because my dad may die within a year.

Job

I want an office job until I can get a job in music.

Gym

I'm quitting that gym I go to online because it is mostly leg work and repetitive, not quite the workout I had hoped for.

Job

School ends next week, and then I can try to find a job.  I want to move to Fort Lauderdale, Southeastern Florida or Germany at least eventually.

"What a Life!"

Do I have any hope of experiencing Late Boomers in the orchestra if I am still intermediate on violin?  Am I working towards anything?  It may be the ultimate goal, but do I need to take a step down?

I know.

It's the end of Generation X.  Make way for Late Boomers and the generation's kids of Generation Z and YZ.

No Call Back for Job

in sales

I'm right.

I'm kinda here to do my business, not let people bump me off because they're German.

Many people may be wrong, but I have always been a right kind of person.

I know people were different and pretended to change overnight, like I don't deserve anything.

Disgusted

Why do Germans think they can come out and suddenly attack a nice person like me and whine like I should know?  I don't care if you think you're playing a game in some way.  I guess this is just worthless.

The Irish

What's the holdup?  Trying to attract them over me?  They're too set in their ways for how they want to keep Irish Americans from relating with Germany.  That's probably the worst of it, in a way.

A Question Unanswered and Postponed

So, do those mean English people think they fit the definition of German over the Irish in too many ways?  Germany is not a perverted interest to worship, it's a country in Europe that made itself teased by Jews somehow "spotting them out" like everyone should stop what they're doing and get at the Germans maybe because of the ones more influentially involved in WWI and WWII.

Will Stop at Nothing

I guess people are upset at me getting anything and overly proud of the age of their parents.

They think they can do anything and be happy with this goal in mind that I will pretty much not get anything in life I worked for because of things like my race.

But I Made It

People just  want me out and won't leave me alone.

Just because I feel accepted in some way by Europeans doesn't mean everyone needs to cross examine me and say that's pretty much everyone mad at me and too many people shouting at the same time that I have no business with Europe.

Assurance

Other people have a given guarantee to get it easy.

Like Only Some Are, Like, "Getting Away With It?"

How did all those army-looking young men in the US get so much respect like they're German or over and above other people in the US?

I have German-American in-laws from my aunt.  I think it's that they can't say anything else about their heritage.

I think it's weird to say someone's not good enough if they're not all German,

I know my friend seemed to have a hard time when she tried because she's 40% German.  My other friend seemed not to even try but has a cool Lithuanian mom and is from Massachusetts.  She thought it was cool I was told I was French.  I am wondering if I'm about 30% Irish and 20% German but might be some Italian instead.  I dunno, maybe I really am Dutch and French, too.  Maybe, even my dad's dad is all Irish.

I thought people were nice and connected to Black Americans.

I don't really submit to England ruining it for Irish Americans, warning them about Germany like they get it better.  I also don't submit to Irish people acting like I'm all Irish and don't deserve to be respected.  I'm actually 1/2 Asian.

Sales Interview Tomorrow

I also found a nice apartment by the beach in Fort Lauderdale for only $1,400 a month for a studio and not much more if I need 1 bedroom to store things etc. It's fancy and has great amenities.


I have to support myself and move out because my dad is only getting worse. Sad. I am kinda happy, though, about moving and supporting myself.

I should also get a car and learn to drive places. I found this place close to the apartment.

My dad might get a work from home business I think job. Great while he's sick.

Plan

I'm looking for a sales type job in Fort Lauderdale, Southeastern Florida which is more than sitting at a desk selling something easy to people not working.  I found a nice apartment by the beach that's affordable.  It's a great apartment.  It's affordable for its locale.

Some Europeans

Some Europeans want power so they can feel like the cute one.  They might be planning to stimulate Germany.

Mistake

Now, they're encouraging people to like only Late Boomers.

They discourage nice people from Generation XY, who are more model citizens from others and others of their generation.

They think people are bad if they are normal and only like people who act out and bother others, like people who talked during class at school growing up.  People frame and abandon their friends with nothing, too.

Do you feel connected to your parents's heritage or your own?

I went Up North to New York state and Pennsylvania, and they feel like magic and at will.. well make me feel warm and fuzzy.

I had friends and I noticed I connect better to Massachusetts in some ways.

"Sad"

I already act right.  People make up false problems about me to do with the older lady I like, like their philosophies in life I don't agree with otherwise.

Mistakes get out there.

People sometimes think Southern Easterners are interesting by label yet forget that Asians are interesting, too.

Reality

It seems Late Boomers were not expected to do ballet.

I'm watching The Nutcracker via Fantasia now.

Unfair?

Is it fair to kids whose parents aren't exactly classical musicians?  How early do you have to start to not be considered as going in a stupor when you hear orchestral (classical or pop) music?

Might go to sleep for now.

Have homework but doing good on some of it.  Night?  I just stayed up to enjoy some music and posted online.

Know what I'm talking about, do you?

What good is a Baby Boomer who does nothing?  Most are like that sometimes.

Hair

Does your hair color "affect" you?

Funny!

No one listens to me.

I wanted something to happen and no one listens.

Therapy

So, did anyone get anything good from who their dad was?  I saw an attractive dad, and the baby looked concerned about everyone else, being hot like her dad in that way.  I don't remember anything in particular if I saw the mom.  The baby was in a stroller.  Of course, they were not that old.

(continued)

...like they fixed them.

Question

Why don't people stop acting like people are only attractive from their mom?

Work

Some people sacrifice themselves for their children.

I'm not much..

Do people like their children as an escape from me?

Some Daughters

Some people's mothers end up doing everything for them instead of by themselves.

Question for Fair/White People

Is your skin white at the base, even?

Doesn't Make Sense

Why do you think of her?  You said you had to, but you didn't.  It was a lie.  You can, though.

Give and Take

Well, it's dumb not to know that it's other people who are messing this up, but hey she's "only human."

Always About Her

I can see the greed of the world, rooting her on.

Well?

I just get to watch the older lady I like who behind closed doors is ruining herself when she was supposed to be a relationship to me.

Well?

Why do people keep acting messed up like I agree to this shit?  It's ruining my reputation.  It's as though I don't even have one, anymore.  No one cares to think about me, anymore..

Oh, and by the way, it's stupid to say I'm bad just because I used a curse word.  How careless can you be to think otherwise of me?  I didn't use it in a bad way.

You'll never win.

You don't even know who I am or what I am.

So, what?

Now, are people trying to undo the past and say I'm bad?

The Excuse

Coronavirus is the excuse.

Already There

So, the older lady I like's daughter who is younger than me became famous on her own or by her mom...?

Ordered a New Watch

(credit)

Selfish?

Does it seem selfish to assume I should be punished?

Not Feeling

Some people think if you're modern, of this day and age, in any way, that you don't feel.

...but not me!

Not only did we like Blue's Clues, we made fun of Barney but not me.

My Singing Voice

I can still hear the youth in my voice when I sing that shows a certain energy from things like watching Barney faithfully as a kid.

"I Soar Like a Hawk"

I soar above Generation X.

Music - Me Singing

244 Views

Music - Catholic Church Songs

1997?


1996?

Music

As I Look Back, I Realize

all the work and guts it took to get unafraid to perform, to not have to worry like about messing up.

Music and Music Videos - Children Theme Style

Update

I have a 2nd Instagram, listed under My Stuff.

Change of Plans

I may live in a group home in Fort Lauderdale, Southeastern Florida, where I was born, for now.

Job Hunt

I guess I will try to live in a Chicago suburb and work rather than use SSI.  After school is out, I can apply for jobs.

I guess I will have to try to learn violin and German on my own.  It's a life goal, learn an instrument and language.  I did want it as my college programs.

Interesting "Problems"

No one wants to talk about issues to do with me and the older lady I like, they just want to hate on me senselessly.

I'm thinking it'd be more feasible to thrive in a suburb.

I wanted to live in the Cleveland, Ohio area and go back to a college there, but it seems a Chicago suburb would be more suited to me and maybe more chance of finding a place and way of supporting myself.

Good Night

Bed again?

The Key

to making Ellen DeGeneres happy is to show her to people she likes, like with similar aspirations.

Playing Around

Funny when people assume the upper hand with me.

Want to play?

It is uncivil to take the liberty to inappropriately stimulate someone I like a lot pretending to have an issue with them themselves.

More Trouble

I shouldn't see people fantasizing over someone else having an issue with them and/or from one little time.

Italian Love

I know of 2 similarly fancy ladies who are very sought out and liked who seem to love Italian but aren't very Italian.

"Sex" Against Me

I shouldn't catch old relationships making an issue with new ones.  I mean, the fact that they are there seems to say it, as they are not with me.

Recipe I'm Cooking

Japanese!

Ramen Noodles

It should be interesting with variety.

(credit)

Common Ground

What if Germany wasn't always the best?

I seem to think things under the blink of an eye without stopping for clarification or don't even consider it.  It has to do with things like, "Oh, maybe I'm in trouble," when I'm not.  This isn't in particular an issue with my dad.  Germany seems to know me and from sources that are ghastly to believe in that these people who know who I am would do or you might say they know me.

Discovered

People keep acting like they found out people I'm related to and have been friends with and they don’t like me.

Racial Unrest and Agitation

Which race hungers more to overturn other White races?  Southern Europe or some of the Black Americans on the lose?

Website Update

Interesting Things

Interesting Articles

Disney Youth Orchestra in 1992

Stuck up Musicians

It's funny to see young orchestral musicians dance to the music "like nothing just happened" "behind closed doors," when you yourself did piano and were steadfast in your musical technique but feel as though you never existed.  In an orchestra I played a little in, they had people come who hadn't played in years.  They are quite egotistical and seclusive.

The Problem and People Around

Someone and her daughter seem nice.  I usually blame adults, so maybe it was other adults.

Traumatic

Someone I know thinks kids are their parents and maybe you go crazy when you get famous.

This has caused me too many life catastrophes leading to trauma.

Musicians - Development as a Person Physically Etc.

Is it better to be more developed as a person if you aim in your career as a musician or less developed?

Seeing the US and Europe

Europe finally got to see the US when TV came out.

Now that the internet came out we get to see Europe.

Great Arts of the Past

So, classical music is worldly and we go to fame for other things?

I feel I'm getting old to be great.

(continued)

It didn't seem like a machine.

(continued)

Also, I've seen an orchestra look more sarcastic than that.

Of My Critical Experience

The German orchestra playing Beethoven's 7th Symphony was sorta sarcastic in a sexual way.

I said the one from the Netherlands was exciting but in a mechanical way in comparison alone in some sentiment.

Germany - Keep up with Germans!

Some Germans are critical if you seem to have any problems in your life when you play classical music.  They don't seem to help with an alternative to some problems in life.  I forget what I was going to say.

Why didn't people keep up with Germany?  What's with all this Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005) and that's all?

Why isn't classical music popular in the US?  Germans who don't do anything do classical music because it's an emblem of their country?  I didn't start as a toddler.  I keep getting funny feelings from them about when I see good performances.

My Review

I'm listening to I think the main end movement of Beethoven's 7th Symphony.  I heard another group play it.  The one I'm watching now is from the Netherlands.  The other one was from Germany.  This one from the Netherlands is very mathematic, a little thin, very on the beat and mechanic.  The one from Germany was kinda influenced melancholy and nostalgic yet booming with energy.

Oh, well.

I was watching the Netherlands.

Pathetic

People and Germans "found out" and keep being impressed by someone I have known a little.  Oh, but I was sorta put out of the picture.

Crazy

I mean, come on, their every other glance can be hatred towards me saying how they're European and I'm not.  It's like they don't even realize it, and it's stupid.

Crazy

It seems Germany has made a spectacle of me saying they accept 2 other girls I've known some or a little and said I wasn't German.

Graceful - Big or Small?

I wonder if you can have dainty parts that are not really graceful?

Lunatics

People keep acting like it doesn't matter if I'm usually good, and then they go into like I need to be good and am bad.

Trouble

They don't have to compensate me to get what they want.

I'm not about what happened on this journey, and it ain't the same.

Only 1 Bad Person

People keep taking people who seem to be pretended or pretending they have a relationship with me, saying I'm "actually" bad and taking these other people like it's Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory and they are Willy Wonka and these people are kids there and saying, "I think we may have something here."

My dad acted like he was pissed everyone would think he was bad to be mean to me like I "did something," and instead he made a visit to other people like he's Santa Claus to make people groove against me, instead, when I'm very agreeable.

Trick

People say someone else is better than me and say I did something if I say something else against it.

Racism

Musicians in Germany always seem to feel racially superior.  It doesn't help make me feel better about them to be dissed.

Fitting In

The world fit other people's children in for them, but I don't fit in in certain important ways.

Sometimes, they don't fit in and the parents get violent in how they act.  They won't do the work themselves, and they get mad if other people are living their life.

School

So, people who weren't good can seem more attractive.

Suspicious

I didn't really "say anything," did I?

School

School was just a tool to see if you thought you were good enough to do good and follow the rules.  Everyone else comes out like the choice.

Pathetic

They think I'm evil and need to be restrained like I'm outdated.

Disrupted

I feel invaded of my life and how I apply my lifestyle.

Like It's Okay Just for Me

So, I'm mistreated for the time being, like that's okay just with me.  It's as though it's just life, but it's not.

Prejudice

It's easy to see if something is an issue of someone else is of a cooler generation, like relatives.  That's considered wrong, especially when you're comparing someone else's kids.

"Following the Leader"

People keep following bad things people did in my life, like it's out of fear, but are nice to others and suggest I shouldn't have relationships I have I like.

Territorial

People are territorial of their kids in Southeastern Florida and judge you by your parents and not you.

Tricked

I feel tricked into a bad 15 years or so or my whole life.

Perversion

It seems funny how people other than me are treated more appropriately.

In My Place

If someone else were in my place without any serious issues, things would go by much more happily and smoothly and without made up racial issues.

Strange People

It's funny how many people are agreeable with me and like me a lot, but, when I try to get to know anyone or am around some people where I live, they get scared of others who have known me at all and back away or just end up abusing me.  Pretty much, I can catch on to anyone else.

What a Joke

People act like I'm not cool for being good in school, and other people are suck ups for some reason and aren't treated that way.

Trick

First, it's about pop culture like Grease, and then Late Boomers are out of the picture unfairly.  The children of Late Boomers have it good.

The Spiteful Ones

Some orchestral musicians seem to hate their job.  I know it's very competitive.  I did papers on classical music this semester.

Nasty People

Underneath it all in the end, some classical musicians can seem quite nasty.

When's it really good enough?

Are musicians a threat to acting?

Caught This!

Is it that I could have played any keyboard instrument?  Violin, okay, until it became too popular.

Hmph!

How do the other girls get by big, old, clumsy men?

So!

So, I won't end up on top but anymore?

Big, Old, Clumsy Men

Baby Boomer men are mean.  They just say I'm shit if I think there is any problem.

Question

I know the story.

Your school has an orchestra and you get solos sometimes and in the end it's a win win.

Real Musicians

First, I thought it was Johnny Depp, me being a musician might be in the way...

I'm waiting...

...and when I'm ready the people my parental generation's age and a little younger will be leaving...

...to get a job playing violin, hopefully with other people...


What about how other people had their chance but think they didn't?  ...  or did they?  They have an evil plan to make my life harder.

Look at this.

The muscles in their faces keep tremori-ng, like they're even younger than me but may be older.

Aggression

It is important for them others think and not for me.

I didn't even know.

In  orchestras, I see the girls my age flinching when an attractive Late Boomer or Early Generation X woman is there.  It looks like I'm out of luck; who'd have expected them there with such a desire?  I thought they liked to be bad.

I'll just say it.

People interrupted a functioning cycle of Baby Boomers to Generation X in a critically climbing time, when many people's parental generations are getting old and dying from coronavirus.  Who is there for us?  We were supposed to get something for what we lost.

Where We Should Be Concerning...

It seems Baby Boomers took a break at being a good parental generation for the past 15 years, since Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005) and the Pirates of the Caribbean (2003-) franchise came out.

They should be doing their work, minding their own business, but instead they're all over the place.

Dumb Racial Perfectionist Excuses

People make an excuse not to talk to me because I'm 1/2 Chinese, like I "did something," but they say I'm also bad as an excuse to talk to other Asians.

Them, too?

Do you respect musicians?  Why not respect people who perform by dancing, singing, or acting?

You know, drama was a big thing in high school.  At my school, it trumped debate, which was cancelled, at they beginning of my first year with a somewhat young male teacher I liked a lot.  There was a cool boy everyone liked in drama, just a little older than me (a year and a half,) and he was in my class.

So, I just noticed musicians are always excluding.  Like, start late and it's some sorta hell.  I was encouraged to start things like band in high school, though, by the instructor.  I was in piano lessons and enjoying playing music when I could.  I did want to do dance instead after I moved away from somewhere, for my health too.

So, I just noticed it was funny how people disrespect things that you can start late, like acting, singing, maybe dance team or cheerleading.  I started singing by myself at age 5.  I stayed in gymnastics, which I started at age 1 3/4.  Actually, dance is hard for me, like ballet I did, to remember the steps, maybe because I was trained to be a gymnast, though I never competed but was on top.

You know, I think there are other reasons than that it's harder to start music late unless it's high school band I guess.  A lot of people flocked to choir with a glaze of tears over their eyes because they got into it later.  I got into it at age 8 and stayed until age 20.  I quit because I wanted to do professional music and make money and hopefully practice more.  Now, I can't just drive anywhere yet and take the bus because I don't own a car but live at home with my dad and younger brother still.  It's tragic.  I'm 34 years old.  I will probably live on my own, soon.

Musicians are always acting like they don't get enough attention, but are they the only ones?  Probably not, but it may seem like a revelation.

Forced

We're forced to people we don't wanna be forced to like that, of any age.

We get shoved back to our parents when we're about to feel pleasure from others who are older or old enough to be our parents or almost.

Pried Open a Secret

Some people seem mad that people like Johnny Depp care about young and middle aged adults who hit 18 and had to or were supposed to leave home, for college or to their career field.  Most Baby Boomers think we're done, but Baby Boomers still seem to get pleasure after 18 themselves, if they so chose they are ready, especially the way Late Boomers operate.

Only Some People

It seems only some people are happy or "have it good."

Power

Should/Do famous people have power?

Innocence

Pretty much get to me and you will be turned into a *novelty.

*novelty - 1a. the quality of being new, original, or unusual. 1b. a new or unfamiliar thing or experience. 1c. denoting something intended to be amusing as a result of its new or unusual quality. 2. a small and inexpensive toy or ornament. (link)

The US and Europe

The US went blank when they caught a drift of "what" they were compared to Europe.